Conglomeration

Alas, it has been 1 month since my last post. I have excuses! I promise!

Does getting your wisdom teeth out, working full time and reinstalling your operating system 6 times count as time consuming?.... 

Anyways, excuse time is over, let the Blogging begin! 

__________________________________________________________

Classes started back up for me on Wednesday, and, as things usually go the first week, there wasn't a lot of homework. 

What do you do if you're in a room full of Physics majors with no homework to do and a huge whiteboard? 

THIS!

Lest you start to lose faith in physics majors, I shall attempt to make a story out of this, so you can understand what's going on!  

Let's start at the beginning. 

This is Admiral Bernie. Admiral Bernie is a brave levitating robot that can also double as a microwave. 

In this picture, we see Peaches the cat enjoying a ride from inside Bernie. 

In our next picture, we see that Peaches and Bernie are traveling to a scenic mountain range that hides illogicality from the rest of the world. 

The first thing that they see is a large cup. Nothing about this cup is peculiar, except for it's size. It's a freaking huge cup, but then, Peaches and Bernie see a little red light of a harpoon gun sight being placed on the cup. 

Oh no! The T-rex is shooting the cup with a harpoon gun in it's mouth! 

No fear overly large Cup! The tank will take out the T-rex and make a fossil fuel for our great-great-great-great-grandchildren to use! But wait! The T-rex's bling-bling and mouse-hat are bulletproof!  The Sun has a huge muscle! 

All Hope is LOST!

A little cute ballerina girl will take out the sun with her Bow and Arrow! The T-rex takes a hit! 

Order is restored! Chaos has been defeated! 

Oh No! Peaches' nemesis Pegasus Dog appears! He's making a move on the ballerina, who is the only thing holding the sun back from taking over the earth!!!!!! 

Peaches hatches a daring plan. He places his favorite stuffed animal, a whale named Cobra in the way of the T-rex's harpoon gun, freeing the cup to reveal it's superpower. 

The Cup is actually a mystical device that can hold anything that it is called upon to hold. The Cup levitates over to the other side of the board and releases characters from the Star Trek Universe!

The Borg King, Mr. Spock, and Spock 2.0 are released into the Twilight Zone. They distract the Pegasus Dog with their dazzling wit about the Twilight Zone's illogicality  while the USS Enterprise takes out the sun! This frees the ballerina to make her escape from the Pegasus Dog!

Way to go Peaches and Bernie! You saved the Day!

Hey, I said I would attempt to make a story out of this.  Attempt - Get it? Don't judge me! 

Mudding from MtnDew

This blog post is for all you rednecks out there! If you own a 4x4 vehicle, one of the most fun things to do is go mudding! Now, mudding isn’t for you if you own a 4x4 that looks like this.

It may be 4x4, but I can guarantee you, it won’t be going anywhere. Also, mudding can really wreck your vehicle if you’re not careful. There’s a disclaimer at the bottom you might want to read about that. However, if you do decide to take your vehicle mudding, here are a few tips I’ve learned from experience or old veterans of the activity! Enjoy!

1. Never wear good clothes and always bring another change of clothes. Nothing sucks more than driving back home in stiff muddy jeans.
   
   
   
2. Make sure your vehicle actually is 4wd! You may have a Jeep, but I can assure you, they make 2wd Jeeps.
   
   
   
3. Never go mudding without someone else there capable of pulling you out.
   
   
   
    No matter how kick-butt your ride is, it will get stuck at some point. Like I said, this vehicle must be CAPABLE of pulling your ride out. Just because your friend has his Metro Geo there doesn’t mean you’re safe.
   
   
   
4. Never drive through a puddle that you don’t know how deep it is. It may look shallow, but it could be a five foot pit. Also, never hit a puddle going at a high speed, even if it’s a shallow puddle. Water can splash up into the engine and hydro lock it. It takes thousands of dollars to fix this, and may even mean buying a brand new motor. (Translation for girls: roughly equivalent to spilling an oil-based salad dressing on your favorite shirt and not being able to get it out. What? That doesn't make sense to a guy?)
5. Only go on your own private property or on designated off road trails. Do NOT go mudding in farmer’s fields or under power lines. This is illegal.
6. For an added challenge, don’t use 4wd until you get stuck.
7. If you aren’t getting any traction, do not floor it. You will only dig a deeper hole, and your transmission might explode. Nobody likes that.
   
   
   
8. If you get the frame hung up, you’re screwed. No matter what you do, your tires won’t get any traction, and if you do manage to get out, you might rip out something vital if you don’t have really good skid plates. I’ve seen brake lines and exhaust systems get ripped apart this way.
9. Take several people with you! Not only will this make the trip so much more enjoyable, but these same people can also jump on your back bumper to give you more traction if you get stuck! (Granted, at the expense of looking like mud monsters after the experience)
   
   
   
10. Wash the mud off as soon as you can. It may look cool, but it will be impossible to get off later. Mud holds water, so things rust faster and tires can become imbalanced if the mud is left in there.
    
    
    
11. For those of you people who live where there isn't mud... this doesn't count as mudding. 
    
    

Remember to drink MtnDew and do crazy and stupid stuff!
Post by MtnDEW

Yes, Gucci

My Physics professor unexpectedly developed a sense of humor during Monday's class.

Sure, he's made jokes in class before, They just usually had to do with someone running into a wall.

Tuesday afternoon, my class was scheduled to present our project reports for the Physics staff at my university.
I asked my Professor what we were supposed to wear. He thought about it for a moment, and said: "Gucci"

Yeah, my thoughts exactly.

One of my classmates spoke up to clarify. "So you mean business casual?"

"Gucci"

Half of my class took this as sarcasm. The other half, including myself, took this to mean that we needed to dress up.

I arrived a little early Tuesday afternoon, and ran into my physics professor. He muffled a snort, and then started laughing. "I was joking, you know."

There's nothing to break the ice before your first presentation like your Professor telling you that you're wearing the wrong thing.

Fortunately, half of my class was dressed up along with me, so the people who showed up in jeans looked under-dressed.

Prank War

Not so long ago my Sister and I fiercely engaged in a prank war.

We did all of the classics.

Clingwrap on the Toilet Seat, 

Shaving Cream inbetween the sheets, 

Freezing toothbrushes in blocks of ice. 

you name it, we tried it. 

As always the case in a Prank War, there is a Grand Finale: a mother of all pranks that puts the recipient out of the prank buisness.

One such legendary Grand Finale involved completely stripping a prankster's room of replaceable items and floating them down the hudson river on a raft.

That was the level of Epic Prank that I was looking for. A perfect opportunity arose when my sister went to Six Flags for a whole day. While she was gone, I disassembled her bed, moved it to the neighbor's house and then reassembled it.

Muahahahahahaaa. 

My Sister didn't get home until 11:45 that night. Predictably, she quietly climbed up the steps in an attempt to not wake anyone up. 45 seconds later, she slammed my bedroom door open and yelled: 

I ignored her and pretended to be asleep. 

That worked for all of five seconds. I am, alas a terrible liar. I sat up in bed and started grinning: 

This incensed her. She flew into an incredible-psychotic-lack of sleep-sunburn induced rage.

My only response was a high pitched giggle, which didn't improve her mood at all. 

She proceeded to call all of her friends and demand the whereabouts of her bed: at 12:45 in the morning. 

Eventually, her incredible-psychotic-lack of sleep-sunburn induced rage burned out, and she gave up on the phone calls and slept on the couch. 

The next morning, Mom asked my sister to take something over to the neighbor's house. She was invited in, and then stood stock still. Her bed was set up in the neighbor's living room, waiting for her. 

I watched her move her bed back into our house, feeling like a criminal mastermind. That feeling lasted all of 12 hours, when my sister stole all of my underwear out of my dresser and froze it.

Sometimes ya just can't win. 

I'm Thankful All Right

How many of us have felt like we have the most insane, embarrassing family on earth? If you haven't EVER felt like that, then I am concerned for your sanity. 

Most extended families nowadays are nothing more than groups of people with diverse interests that share the same genetic tree. I know, you're thinking of your Great-Aunt Bonnie and wishing that your DNA had come from somewhere else.  But there's something special about tripping on each other's toes in the kitchen and eating too much turkey together.  

You don't think that my family's insane? Take a peek at our traditions.  My grandmother always called the Thanksgiving turkey Sally. For the two or three days before Thanksgiving, she kept telling me how much she was looking forward to Sally. The day of Thanksgiving, she kept telling me  “I smell Sally” I was mystified. I didn't have any relatives named Sally!

 Finally, during the Thanksgiving prayer, she expressed her thanks for Sally whom we were about to eat. Sally: the turkey. For a 7 year old, that's pretty traumatic. I didn't touch the turkey that year. 

During Thanksgiving I am thankful that I'm only partially related to my Relatives. 

Another tradition is that the men of the family sleep in the living room for at least 2 hours before dinner. Why? because they know they will ingest so much L-Tryptophan that taking a 2 week nap after dinner will not be adequate. They spend 2 hours preparing for their epic yearly battle: “Man vs. Turkey” 

My family seems to think that there's room  for all of God's creatures next to the mashed potatoes.  We've eaten interesting things like tofu, dim sum, shrimp (complete with eyeballs), deer venison, preserved duck eggs and jello salad with pretzels along side of stuffing and cranberry sauce. 

Thanksgiving is also a time to be thankful for antacids. 

Perhaps the thing I am most thankful for is that most of my relatives don't live nearby. 

I think that George Burns said it best: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

Welcome MtnDew

Anecdotal Irony is pleased to introduce it's first Guest Author: MtnDew!


MtnDew is a shadowy librarian with a strange affinity for Mountain Dew. In his first post: The Most Interesting Place in the World, he mentions that he can install things in cars and dates women under the age of 50. And no, ladies, we will not be posting his phone number online for you. He gets enough weird voicemails already.

Most Interesting place in the World!

Who says working at the library has to be dull and boring?

It's the most interesting place in the world!!!!

In here are thirteen things your librarian won’t tell you. All of these are from personal experience. Yes, people actually do these things.

1. Please don’t bring all ten members of your family then expect your five year old to interpret for all of you because he’s the only one who knows English.

2. Don’t drive your semi to the library. You won’t be able to make the turn, and you will run over our bushes, causing me to have to come out and spend 25 minutes trying to direct you out. Not cool.

3. If you have babies who like to scream, please stay away from the library. What happened to the time when the library was quiet?

4. Don’t automatically think that because I’m a lowly librarian you’re smarter than me. I can guarantee you that the problem with your computer is not a keyboard virus.

5. We can help you with more than you might think. I’ve driven to a church twenty miles away to help somebody who locked their keys in their car. I’ve also driven to the auto store, bought a fan belt, and then helped install it in the person’s car.

6. If you have computer problems, ASK FOR HELP! We would much rather help you, than have you break a pen over the keyboard because you got so frustrated.

7. Don’t automatically assume that I’m a total video game nerd when I happen to mention that I like CoD. I really don’t want to waste the next thirty minutes of my life listening to you describe your latest achievement in Halo. I don’t care.

8. Don’t’ try to steal the books. We have RFID tags in all of them that tell us whether they’ve been checked out or not. The alarm will go off and you’ll be embarrassed because you just unsuccessfully tried to steal a book from the library. They’re free anyway.

9. Do not let your children anywhere near the DVD’s without parental supervision. They get pushed behind the shelves, and then we get to spend the next half hour picking them all up and putting them back in order.

10. I can tolerate flirty girls, but please, if you’re over 50, refrain.

11. I’m talking to you teenagers. Just because you have a laptop doesn’t mean you’re the coolest kid in the world. I’ve got one too, and I’m pretty darn sure it’s better than yours.

12. Please don’t come to the desk demanding to know why the document you tried to print didn’t print when there’s a big red sign on the printer that says “Out of Order.” Learn how to read.

13. We have two glass doors that are cleaned every day. Don’t get so absorbed with your phone that you run into the doors. It puts smudges on them and you might get a little hurt and embarrassed.

Remember to drink MtnDew, drive crazily, and take chances!