I'm Thankful All Right

How many of us have felt like we have the most insane, embarrassing family on earth? If you haven't EVER felt like that, then I am concerned for your sanity. 

Most extended families nowadays are nothing more than groups of people with diverse interests that share the same genetic tree. I know, you're thinking of your Great-Aunt Bonnie and wishing that your DNA had come from somewhere else.  But there's something special about tripping on each other's toes in the kitchen and eating too much turkey together.  

You don't think that my family's insane? Take a peek at our traditions.  My grandmother always called the Thanksgiving turkey Sally. For the two or three days before Thanksgiving, she kept telling me how much she was looking forward to Sally. The day of Thanksgiving, she kept telling me  “I smell Sally” I was mystified. I didn't have any relatives named Sally!

 Finally, during the Thanksgiving prayer, she expressed her thanks for Sally whom we were about to eat. Sally: the turkey. For a 7 year old, that's pretty traumatic. I didn't touch the turkey that year. 

During Thanksgiving I am thankful that I'm only partially related to my Relatives. 

Another tradition is that the men of the family sleep in the living room for at least 2 hours before dinner. Why? because they know they will ingest so much L-Tryptophan that taking a 2 week nap after dinner will not be adequate. They spend 2 hours preparing for their epic yearly battle: “Man vs. Turkey” 

My family seems to think that there's room  for all of God's creatures next to the mashed potatoes.  We've eaten interesting things like tofu, dim sum, shrimp (complete with eyeballs), deer venison, preserved duck eggs and jello salad with pretzels along side of stuffing and cranberry sauce. 

Thanksgiving is also a time to be thankful for antacids. 

Perhaps the thing I am most thankful for is that most of my relatives don't live nearby. 

I think that George Burns said it best: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”