Use the Forces!

In Physics Class, we recently began studying forces.
Oh yes, the infamous forces.

Do you feel more educated now?
I didn't think that my Physics Professor would stoop to making Star Wars "force" jokes in class.

I was wrong.



TERRIBLY wrong.

My Professor lectured for a few minutes about various kinds of force. He stood his marker up on the table and asked us to list the forces acting upon it.

My Physics professor nodded. "That's good" he said " But I want to know about THE Force"

My Professor shook his head. "That is A Force, yes. I want to know about THE FORCE!"

 A Minute passed. 

..........

..................................

......................

and then Two...

.....................

.............

.........

Best In-class illustration ever. 

Orlando Bloom: Beware

I recently found a picture of my Grandfather from his high school days. 

My Grandfather looks like Orlando Bloom!! 

Come on. You know you see it!

Orlando Bloom: I suggest you beware of your future. 

You are going to lose most of your hair.

 And your pretty-boy good looks are seriously in jeopardy.

Look out Orlando Bloom. The future is out to get you. 

Fashion Advice

Last week I bought a new shirt.

I liked it, but was shopping alone with no one to critique it. It is one of those weird girl traditions to have get someone's feedback before wearing an outfit out in public. I was resolved to wear it to a class I was attending a mere three hours later. No problem, right?

WRONG!

I had forgotten that my Mom wouldn't be at home that afternoon, so I resolved to call my best gal-friend on a video chat to get her advice.

 I called, only to find JT on the line.

Don't get me wrong, but I have seen JT model an innertube over swim trunks before. He was hardly one from whom I would want advice on fashion.

While he gave positive feedback, I wanted a second opinion. I went to “That Place” where my Mom works. All of the awesome ladies that work there gushed about how much they liked my shirt. 

My Mom saw it and said only: 

That was why I liked the shirt in the first place. 

The only person whose opinions I had sought on my shirt was the only one who didn't really like it. That's Irony for you.

P.S. Do you know what Irony is? It's the opposite of wrinkly!

Quoteable People

Let's face it. People are hilarious, usually when they're most serious about something.


For instance: I was over at a friends house (my second home) yesterday around lunchtime.
Andrea: "People think that smoking is addictive. They should try this turkey!"

15 minutes later.......


Andrea: The addicting turkey is no more. I ate it!

At least no one else need fear turkey addiction! Thanks for eating it all Andrea!

I have another friend, who wishes to be known only as MtnDew. He works at a Library.
People come in and ask him highly intelligent, deep philosophical questions.

Apparently, this happens several times a day. Sometimes I begin to lose faith in the human race.

I went to a local Hoppy Loppy this week for the first time. It was HUGE.

I must've wandered around the store for 5 minutes before seeing any sign of human life in there. I found a sales associate and latched onto her and began babbling about my desire to find balsa wood.
She looked at me like I was crazy.

When I had finished my daring foray into Hoppy Loppy, I took my balsa wood to the checkout stand to pay. 

The guy checking me out noticed how hard I was gripping my hard sought balsa wood.

"First time in Hoppy Loppy?"
I nodded, ready to finish my purchase and get out of the store.

"It's okay. Looks like you had a pretty minor reaction. You should see the guys that come in here for the first time. They go kinda....crazy."
After paid for my balsa wood and walked to my car I made a silent vow to myself never to go into Hoppy Loppy again without reinforcements.

Depressing Thoughts

I worked on my physics project with my lab group yesterday when my Professor walked in.

Professor:  “When you finish this experiment, I think that we should set up an experiment when you depress a wall.”

Instantly, I start thinking about a depressed wall.

What would you have to make a wall sad? Tell it about your problems? 

Throw pink bricks at it?

 Verbally abuse it?

My professor continued: “We will try this experiment on several types of walls, Brick walls, drywall, concrete.

My weird brain continued: “ Do the different types of walls have different personalities? 

Ghetto Brick Wall 

Chinese Wall

Those brick  retaining walls have anger issues that they take out on you. Right? Like when you go for a walk and trip over a wall that you didn't see a second ago.

 Although my professor wanted me to think about how to calculate the spring constant of a wall, his comments made me think of depression in walls as a serious issue.  Next time I see a wall that looks sad and depressed, I'm going to go over and cheer it up. 

Dual Identity

I was working Monday night at “That Place” that I work. Obviously, I still work there, and potentially could get fired for misrepresenting the company, so t shall be referred to most mysteriously as: “That Place”.

“That Place” is a resturant famous for it's sandwiches and chicken.. and redheads like me. 

Anyways, I was working my normal shift, and got assigned to clean the dining room.

All was well and fun until I saw someone from my other job.

 By “Other Job” I mean my part time- over the summer job of lifeguarding at a local pool. 

This one lady stuck out in my memory. She was one of those people that finds fault in everything, and once yelled at me for 5 minutes straight.

The last thing that I wanted was for her to notice me.

But I still had to do my job.

A perfectly insidious plan began to hatch itself inside my brain.

The Background: You must know that I am among those bestowed with two names. Unofficially, my name is Ivy Nova.... I've gone by Nova since I was 4 years old. The legal name of Ivy still must be on all of my paperwork.

My Paperwork at the pool had me listed as “Ivy”. “That Place”, was persuaded to have my name listed on my name tag as “Nova”.

The Plan: I become twins! If she recognized me, I decided that I would pretend not to know her. I decided to pretend that I had an identical twin named Ivy who worked at “That Pool”.

During the next few minutes of furiously scrubbing tables, sweeping and mopping floors, I rehearsed a whole act about how I'd never been to “That Pool” in my life, just in case she decided to start the 2010 Inquisition or something.

This woman ate her meal in silence, without recognizing me.

 I wished her a pleasant evening as she walked out the door and pondered for the rest of the night if this was what Spiderman felt like living two lives.  

Lucky Penny? I think not!

It was a dark and stormy thursday night...... and I went walking around my neighborhood.  I looked down randomly and saw a penny laying on the side of the road.

We've all heard the saying: "Find a Penny, pick it up, All day long you'll have good luck."
 I'm not one for superstitions, but I like finding money on the side of the road, so I picked it up. Did 24 hours of good luck follow?

Nope.

I woke up at 7:54 the next morning: AKA the time that I usually depart for classes.

I rushed out the door.wet hair in a ponytail, having eaten no breakfast and having packed no food. I got to class on time, but wasn't fully awake for my physics quiz.
My fuzzy, food starved, sleep deprived brain interpreted vectors weirdly, to stay the least.

There was no way that my bad luck would end there. By the time that my physics class was over, I went to the cafeteria to find some form of sustenance. A sub sandwich was located and paid for. I had high hopes that I would finally be able to concentrate on what I was doing once the hungry feeling went away. 

The Sandwich I was expecting

Disgusting Cafeteria Sandwich. 

Again, no such luck. The Sandwich perhaps qualified as sustenance, but not as food. Delicious Scale Rating = 0.

To give you an idea of the Delicious Scale, Brussel Sprouts, Fish Eyes and Burnt Popcorn all managed to scrape a 5. Chocolate and Ice cream  top out the scale at 100.  That Sandwich: 0

With classes finally done that day, I was ready to go home, find real food and take a nap. 

Traffic JAM.

My usual 20 minute commute took me 45 minutes that afternoon. Sitting in standstill traffic I remembered picking up that penny and the ill fortune it had brought me that day. It made me wonder what evil misfortunes it had bestowed upon it's previous owner that the owner was prompted to carelessly discard 1/100 of a dollar  on the roadside.  

I wondered about that for about 2 seconds before vowing to leave that penny out in the rain where it deserved. 

The first thing I did after I got home was to dig that penny out of my pants pocket and throw it as far down the street as I could. I'm sure that it is lying in wait for it's next victim. 

Do yourself a favor: If you see this penny, don't pick it up!!!

The Adventure Begins.......

In times like these... weird things happen.

Mostly to Me. 
What do you get if you put together Anecdotes, stick people and Irony? THIS BLOG! (Let's face it: Anecdotal Stickman Irony just doesn't make a lot of sense). 


Here's where the adventure begins. I'll post every other day or so with a story that actually happened that day with a funny twist on it. 

Yes, you heard me: Stories that actually happened. 

Names, places,  and organizations will have their names changed because I don't want obnoxious hate mail from people I know that read this.

Thanks for joining the adventure! 

Nova